The day I attempted suicide, was the day I felt the strongest. Like I finally had my life in control. I had it in MY hands. This was my third attempt. Why didn’t I die? Third times a charm they say, so why didn’t it happen? I know I don’t have a reason on this earth, and if I do it’s obviously shitty, because I have not noticed it yet. Everyday I wanna die. Everyday I think about fucking killing myself. Every.Fucking.Day. I thought this shit was over!? Oh wait..I was happy. I stopped taking my medicine. I found my medicine. But I didn’t know she was temporary. I thought she’d be there “forever”, like she said. Huh? I don’t see her now. Now I can’t get more medicine, & the thoughts of death are coming back. Good. I hope I end up killing myself soon. Seriously. I have no one. No one needs me. 

Seriously Stephanie? Why do you continue to fucking run your god damn mouth? Just because you gave birth to me you think that I won’t beat the god damn life out of you? You’re nothing but a disgusting alcoholic, coke whore, slut. You suck and fuck dick for your drink & blow. Quit tryna raise me as your kid, stop trying to raise me. You’re NOTHING to me. Honestly. You’re a fucking burden in my god damn life is all you are. You’ve never gave me guidance. Not once in my life have I felt loved by you. Mamaw makes me feel like I’m loved. She actually showed me what a parent was. She taught me right from wrong, & worked with my mistakes. You, on the other hand, don’t know how to discipline. You hit me, and call me worthless, and all this other bullshit. You’re nothing. The day you day, I will spit on your grave. You no longer have three children, you have two. I no longer have a parent. I have a grandmother who has loved me as her own, since I was born. You’re dead to me. I’m the fucked up one? Oh really? Maybe it’s because of you why my life is so miserable. Dad left because of you, I got abused; mentally, physically, and emotionally because of you, I was RAPED because of you, I never felt loved because of you. I’ve tried to commit suicide, multiple times. I’ve been to many counselors for MY problems, but what about you!? You have problems too!! I’d like you to take a step in my shoes. Since I was a baby, til now. See how bad it really is. Then you ask why I’m so fucked up. It’s funny too, because you’re the main source of all the pain. So “Mom”, thanks. For fucking my life up. You’re shit to me now, & never will be the mom I thought I had. For that, I will eternally say..Fuck you.